


Five goes to therapy

by gaylien_space_rock



Category: Zombies Run!
Genre: 5am if you squint but I mainly read it as platonic at this point, F/F, Female Runner Five, Spoilers for Season 1-Mid Season 3, Takes place after S3 M35 but before M36, This one goes out to all the runner fives who really need therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2019-12-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:19:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22010161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaylien_space_rock/pseuds/gaylien_space_rock
Summary: At the behest of Sam, Five agrees to take care of her mental health.
Relationships: Runner Five & Maxine Myers, Runner Five & Sam Yao, runner five/Sara smith (past)
Kudos: 6





	Five goes to therapy

**Author's Note:**

> This wasn't inspired by a particular song but it takes place in the same universe as my other fics. I'm writing partially with my own experiences in therapy but also keeping in mind that Maxine is not a trained therapist.

“Alright, before we start I’m obligated to tell you that I’m not a certified therapist, I’ve just taken a few psychology classes” Maxine paused a moment and frowned “also I’m pretty sure the fact that we’re friends isn’t good practice either.”

“It’s alright doc” Five said, sitting on a couch opposite the doctor “trained therapists are sort of a rare commodity now.” _I also wouldn’t trust anyone else to do this_.

“ Didn’t we get one from Brunswick two years ago?”

“Yeah, Jen went over to New Canton while you were..uh” Five didn’t really know how to say “kidnapped, trapped on a ship and cryo frozen” in a nice way but Maxine seemed to get the picture.

“Right” she said “ A lot happened while I was...gone”. The doctor looked at the clock on the wall and sighed “speaking of, I’m really sorry Five but this is going to have to be a short session. I have to go back under soon”.

 _She could be spending time with her wife or literally solving the apocalypse but you’re making her listen to your stupid problems_.

“ Actually, on second thought doc I think I’m good” Five blurted “you probably have a million other things you should be doing”.

“No Five” Maxine said firmly “I know you. If you’re looking for help, something is really bothering you. Unprofessional as it is, you are my friend and I care about you. Abel cares about you.” She smiled warmly “And I’m really proud that you came here to take care of yourself”.

“Sam actually made me see you” Five muttered.

“ Do you know what he was concerned about?”

Five sighed, she really didn’t want to talk about this. But she did promise Sam and she knew she wouldn’t be able to stand the look on his face if she told him she backed out.

“ I haven’t been sleeping well recently. I get nightmares a lot” Five said “ I think it’s probably nothing and they’ll stop eventually. Sam was just very concerned when he noticed I hadn’t been sleeping. I figured these types of things are common in my, uh, profession though” she looked at the doctor “Right?”

“It is common for runners to have post traumatic stress from experiences in the field and this can sometimes take the form of nightmares and insomnia. But you said this began recently and you’ve been a runner for a while” said Maxine “This makes me think something has triggered them. Are these nightmares usually the same?”

“Yeah”.

Maxine paused expectandly. Five sighed and continued

“It’s like I’m running to save someone and then I get there and...I’m too late”.

Maxine nodded. “Five, I don’t want to seem presumptuous or bring up anything that you aren’t ready to talk about but these nightmares, did they start after Sara died?” Maxine noticed the wounded expression on Five’s face after hearing her name “I know you two were close”

“We were dating, Maxine ok? She was my girlfriend you’re allowed to say that” Five snapped.

She saw the stunned look on the doctor’s face from the sudden outburst and took in a breath. “I’m sorry” she said quietly, “it’s just.. Everyone’s always walking on eggshells about it now. People will mention her and then talk about how they know we were ‘close’ and look at me like they expect a conversation about it or something.”

“Have you discussed it with anyone?”

Five let out a mirthless chuckle “I’m pretty sure nobody wants to hear about how sad I am about having a dead girlfriend. Everyone’s lost somebody.”

“That doesn’t mean your grief doesn’t matter Five. I know when I thought I lost Paula, the pain was unimaginable. I only managed it by getting support from others, especially the people here at Abel. Just because your pain isn’t unique doesn’t mean it isn’t valid or important. You might even find that talking with others who have had similar experiences can be really helpful.”

Five looked at the ground and didn’t respond. They both sat in silence for a moment before Maxine spoke again.

“Five, just taking into account what probably triggered these nightmares and what seems to be the common theme, would you say the most pressing issue in your mind is a sort of responsibility you feel for what happened to Sara?”

Five nodded.

“Why do you feel responsible?”

“It’s just.. There’s so much I could’ve done. I could’ve carried her to Abel, I could have realized what was going on and not gone after her” Five could feel tears beginning to well up in the corners of her eyes and she balled her hands into fists as she willed herself not to cry “I mean for fuck’s sake she was my _girlfriend_ I should’ve known she was going through something a-and helped a-and…” Five stopped speaking as she failed to hold back the tears and started sobbing, the pain and guilt that had been rotting in her mind for months finally being solidified through speech.

Maxine wordlessly got up from her chair and walked over to the couch that Five was sitting on before wrapping Five in a warm embrace. The runner turned her head into Maxine’s shoulder. “I’m sorry” she mumbled still crying.

“Shhhh, you have nothing to be sorry about Five” said Maxine as she lightly rubbed the runner’s back. They stayed like that for a few moments until Five’s breathing returned to normal and the tears stopped flowing. Five pulled out of the embrace and looked away. “I’m..”

“Five please don’t say you’re sorry” Maxine said, “Thank you for trusting me enough to talk about this, and I know it’s going to be hard for you to believe this right away, but you are in no way responsible for Sara’s death.You have done incredible things Five but you’re still only human. There are some situations where there is simply nothing you could have done better.”

“What if that’s worse?” Five said quietly “Having no control, no situation where she survives”.

“ I don’t know Five” Maxine said pensively “ all I know is that you not talking about Sara and keeping all of the pain and guilt bottled up is really not good for you.” The doctor looked over at the clock again. “I’m really sorry Five but I have to go” Maxine said “I’m going to recommend Janine that you get five days of rest.” The doctor noticed how Five’s face fell at this as she continued, “You can still fulfill your managerial duties as head of runners but I think you and I both know that you won’t be at your peak performance unless you’re getting the right amount of sleep.” Maxine noted that Five seemed satisfied with this explanation. “We can keep meeting to figure out how to deal with the nightmares but I also want you to talk to one other person about Sara.”

“Ok” Five said after a moment.

“This was a really productive session Five and I just want to say again, how happy I am that you’re taking care of this. We all care about you and we know that this year has been really tough.”

Five nodded “Thanks doc” she said, getting up from the couch “Same time tomorrow, ok?”

“Yes”

Five nodded again before silently leaving the room. The doctor let her go, understanding the runner had a lot to think about.

Sam paced the floor of the comms shack nervously. _She should be back by now. What’s the average time for a therapy session? An hour? It’s been nearly an hour and a half. What if this was a terrible idea? What if Maxine tried hypnosis and it failed and now Five’s in a coma? Is that even possible? Oh no, I’m probably a terrible friend…_ His train of thought was interrupted by a light knock at the door. Sam hurriedly rushed to the door and opened it revealing Runner Five on the other side.

“Five! You’re alright! And not in a coma! I mean, there’s no reason you would...be in a coma. How was it? I’m so happy you went”.

Five didn’t say anything but pulled Sam into a hug.

“I miss her Sam” she mumbled into his shoulder.

Sam let the force of those words hit him before slowly wrapping his arms around Five. “It’s ok Five.” He said

“I’m here for you.”


End file.
